Submittance

Sometimes I just feel I have to post something in order to get something out. I know it's been what, 2 years since I've posted. Ha ha. I'm surprised this hasn't been deleted yet but here's a new addition. I wrote this in response to my feelings for a girl and yet my conviction to place God first and to try to encourage the same for her.

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Your heart is a treasure that gleams

With Christ’s light shining like beams

Growth and molding will take place

Finding yourself surrounded by His grace

Convicted though I may be

I still have feelings for thee

Submitting them before the Lord

Renews my heart restored

In you, O LORD, I have taken refuge;
let me never be put to shame.

Rescue me and deliver me in your righteousness;
turn your ear to me and save me.

Be my rock of refuge,
to which I can always go;
give the command to save me,
for you are my rock and my fortress. –Psalm 71:1-3

I say to myself, "The LORD is my portion;
therefore I will wait for him."

The LORD is good to those whose hope is in him,
to the one who seeks him;

it is good to wait quietly
for the salvation of the LORD.

It is good for a man to bear the yoke
while he is young.

Let him sit alone in silence,
for the LORD has laid it on him.

Let him bury his face in the dust—
there may yet be hope. –Lamentations 3:24-29

Update

Wow. It has been a long time since I've posted anything and there's a lot that's happened. Thanksgiving's just ended and I've got three busy weeks of school left before Christmas break. I get to go home so I'm really looking forward to that. I get to hang out with my family and spend time with them. I haven't seen them in a year so it'll be very nice. God's taught me a lot about the importance of family and friends in life. I just pray that God helps me to continue to see the importance of having Him as a focus for everything.

Thankful, confused, hopeful

This summer has caused me to grow a lot. God has really stretched who I am. I am thankful for his continuous presence in my life. He has been there for me when nobody else has and He never fails to be there when I need Him and when I don't. This summer has also given a general confusion to me that I am trying to work out with God right now but it will probably take a little while. I am very hopeful for His strength and comfort through it all as I know that He has never abandoned me. To God be the glory.

Some of God's workings in my life

Well, I don't know how many people read this blog but I will post a new entry since I'm feeling in the mood for it.

Things are getting better with my relationship with God. He is teaching me how to soundly lean on him and him alone. He is showing me that when I trust him, He is faithful. Sometimes it can be tricky, but those situations just call for more prayer and a steadfast heart. Thankfully, God has blessed me with a steadfast heart and this realization of how important it in combination with prayer and scripture is. I have been needing prayers more recently for patience in waiting for God's perfect will and timing. I can't really dive too much into specifics on here as of yet, but God's got something big planned and, although I have no idea what He has waiting for me, I know that there's something there. I just have to serve him and wait patiently for the time in which He chooses to bestow me with such a gift and blessing. Perhaps at a later date I can delve into more details but as of now, I think its sufficient. Thanks for reading and please keep me in your prayers.

In Him,
Me

Africa Update

I haven't posted here in a while. I've been pretty busy with things here in Africa and I've been updating my other blog. If you click here you can get to my other blog and read about what's been going on here.

On a more personal note, things have been going pretty well. I really enjoy it here in Africa. Yes, it is a completely different environment and yes, it would take a lot of time and effort in order to be able to construct a new life in a place like this, but it is all the more room for God to work and all the better of a situation for him to be glorified in.

I'm still not quite sure where I'm at as far as my relationships with people and where exactly God wants to take them. I know that most of them are destined to remain friendships, some even probably amazing friendships, and for that I am grateful. However, one question still remains in my mind. Will it happen? If so, who? Although I do still have two years left at Harding and God works on his own time rather than mine, I find it difficult to not wonder if I am meant to have a wife at some point and if so, if it is somebody I know or have yet to meet. I suppose I have been thinking about it a little more lately just because I'm in a setting which I could easily see myself in a few years. This type of place is a place that I can live in and the work is work that I can't do but would only be able to accomplish by God's grace and by His strength. I know its a little bit early to be thinking about that yet, but I really feel like God is calling me down that path. So I guess part of the reason I have been thinking about it more recently is because I've been seeing the role that the women have played on the team here and I think it is a very vital role and that the women, although working in a different context, are working side by side to accomplish the same goal.

I don't know how some of the women see it, whether it be missionaries' wives or female interns. Perhaps I will be able to sit down and talk to them about it more soon. Bottom line is, I don't know what God has planned for me and the best thing I can do is pray for patience and guidance and strength. I would ask all of you who are reading this to do the same for me. Thanks and God bless.

God is Truth

As I was reading one of my friend's blog about her preparation for her internship this summer, she mentioned something that struck me as a good way to provide a healthy and close relationship to God.

This idea was to give God a name for what He has done in your life for the past year. In a smaller, related sense, at Matt Miller's bible study we were given the task of looking to see how God is working in your life every week (though it would also be good to see it every day). Based on this, for me this past year, I'd say that God is the God of "Absolute Truth". Everything about Him is truth and nothing is true without Him. I've found that no matter what people believe and argue about, no matter what we consider to be important in this realm, no matter what philosophical reasoning we try to create for everything around us God is the only answer. God is Truth.

Fear

If I could find the words to describe where I'm at, I probably wouldn't be writing here. But then again, maybe I would. I'm not sure. One thing I've been thinking about more and more lately is how to commit myself fully to God and give up all the ways of my past. I still struggle with things of my past and I'm sick of it. I wish I could simply but it all behind me where it belongs and move on...but why can't I? I need to get down to the depths of things. Down to what is really bugging me. I think I know what it is without having to delve too much into situations.

Fear.

I'm afraid of my uncertainty. I'm afraid of not knowing what the future has in store for me. I'm afraid of being alone. I'm afraid of death. I'm afraid I'm not a good enough Christian. I'm afraid of not being able to serve God as I'm supposed to. I'm afraid. I want to put these fears behind me and live with comfort that God will provide for me but it isn't going to be easy. I suppose all I can do is pray, request prayers, and keep moving forward trying to see opportunities to serve God along the way.