Communication and Misperceptions

I've noticed that the way that I like to communicate with people is not in a large group but rather 1 on 1. I am trying my hardest to learn how to adapt to a group setting because it is inevitable that I will end up in one and it would be nice to be more comfortable in those situations.

I do, however, find that 1 on 1 communication is more comfortable and way more personal. Often times, I find it easier for me to talk to women than most men, however, many people can perceive this as trying to enter into a relationship and that kind of bugs me. It bugs me because when I find somebody that I can talk to that I know will listen and I talk with them often, this side chatter starts up of "Oh. What's going on there?" or "OOooOO. Look at Kacy." I realize that sometimes this can be in a kidding manner, but most of the time it is not. Can we not just have friends to talk to 1 on 1 and somewhat frequently that we know will be there to listen?

For now I am going with the 1 on 1 conversations and I've noticed that what I'm really looking for is just somebody to talk to. I want somebody to be there and to listen and to turn to even if I don't have anything of urgency to say. I want to know that I can talk to somebody about anything and not worry about how they think of me and that I can turn to them for my very deepest of secrets.

I do have a few friends like that and I am more than greatful for this wonderful blessing. I guess it seems that more lately than not, some of these friends are getting busy and cannot seem to find time to sit down and chat. I am a little sad about this.

My friends, my brothers and sisters in Christ, I urge you to look at how you communicate with others and why. Do you avoid 1 on 1 conversations because they seem awkward and you feel you have nothing to contribute? Do you avoid groups because you fear of how people will think of you based on what you have to say? I challenge you, as I challenge myself, to try to break your comfort boundaries and become comfortable with both ways. Inevitably, you will be put in both positions and it is good to know how to interact on both levels.

Its All Him

If I have nothing to say, but that which He has said to me, what can I tell you but His word?
If I know nothing of the world, but know my Father in heaven, what can I teach you but of Him?
If I cannot see my own path, but rely on Him to reveal it to me, where can I guide you but to Him?
If I am not my own, but belong to the Father, then what can I give to you but Him?

Trapped

This is how I've been feeling lately about the things in my life. I write things in poems so it's easier to express. Some things repeat, but I guess that just means they're more important at this time.

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Trapped
Written March 13, 2007

Where does my heart belong
But in the hands of the First and the Last
So why can't I hand it over to him
And out the window my cares I'd cast

I seem to hold on to what I don't have
I can't give it all away
There's something that stays deep in my heart
That longs for it to stay

How can I remove this filled place in my heart
And make this room bare
So that I can give it over to Him
Then I could meet him there

I'd have no more concerns of things of this world
And I'd be given everything I'd need
For He said, "Whoever loses His life will gain
If he takes his cross and follows me"

I know this truth, it sits in my mind
But I can't seem to put it to use
I can't think of why I can't do this
I can't even come up with an excuse

I'm stuck in this place and I don't know how to leave
To fully give myself away
So now I'll break down and lay my head down
And turn to God and pray

For there's nowhere else for me to go
I'm running in circles in my mind
There's no way out and I'm trapped inside
Maybe someday I'll be rid of this bind

Being held so dearly against my will
Trapped in the thoughts of my desire
Nowhere else to go but turn to him
Or else I'd face the fire

But I've turned to him before
In this same situation
And I am still in this place
So I sit in contemplation

I can't run, I can't hide,
I'm stuck deep inside
I'm running out of room and time
So I'll find a corner and hide

No place to go, no one to know
About where I am in my head
So I'll put a smile on my face and go through my day
'Til I can lay down in my bed

Then I can surrender to the darness around me
And no one can see my face
Or the sadness and fear that lingers here
Because I'm trapped in this place

Solitude

Being at Harding without the buzz of people is a lot different. I don't mind it, but its going to be a long break. Right now I'm just sitting on the front lawn browsing the web. I have been able to sleep in, which has been nice, but already I'm wondering if there's more I can do around here. I don't really feel like watching a movie and I'm not too keen on reading (although it would be good for me if I did). With little access to the internet, this gives me a lot of free time.

As for other things, as Fish puts it, my foot is stuck in the door. Its so much different than before and there's nothing to do about it besides give it to God. I want to be done thinking about it and concerning myself over it. How do I change the way I think and feel?

I wrote this song just now and it fits the situation pretty well. So here it is.

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Collapse into you
Written on March 11, 2007

You've captured my heart
You've got a piece of me
You don't even know that its happened
But its obvious to see

So where do I go from here
With you gone away
I'm left sitting here
So I turn to God and pray

(chorus)
Father I need you
I don't know what to do
Father I need you
You're the only thing that's true
I need you in my life
I need you by my side
Jesus be with me
As I lay me down and cry


I see Him in your eyes
The warmth you carry inside
I need love in my life
I know that God will provide

(chorus)

Now I've nowhere else to run
Putting all of me into Him
Nothing left to do but wait
Then He'll fill me to the brim

(chorus)

So Jesus be with me
As I draw close to you
I give my everything over
Now show me what I must do
Jesus stand near me
As I collapse into you

Migration

Hey all. I'm slowly migrating all of my blogs here because this site has a lot more tools and advantages to it.

There's more to come later.

God Bless!