Trapped

This is how I've been feeling lately about the things in my life. I write things in poems so it's easier to express. Some things repeat, but I guess that just means they're more important at this time.

-----------------------------------------------------------

Trapped
Written March 13, 2007

Where does my heart belong
But in the hands of the First and the Last
So why can't I hand it over to him
And out the window my cares I'd cast

I seem to hold on to what I don't have
I can't give it all away
There's something that stays deep in my heart
That longs for it to stay

How can I remove this filled place in my heart
And make this room bare
So that I can give it over to Him
Then I could meet him there

I'd have no more concerns of things of this world
And I'd be given everything I'd need
For He said, "Whoever loses His life will gain
If he takes his cross and follows me"

I know this truth, it sits in my mind
But I can't seem to put it to use
I can't think of why I can't do this
I can't even come up with an excuse

I'm stuck in this place and I don't know how to leave
To fully give myself away
So now I'll break down and lay my head down
And turn to God and pray

For there's nowhere else for me to go
I'm running in circles in my mind
There's no way out and I'm trapped inside
Maybe someday I'll be rid of this bind

Being held so dearly against my will
Trapped in the thoughts of my desire
Nowhere else to go but turn to him
Or else I'd face the fire

But I've turned to him before
In this same situation
And I am still in this place
So I sit in contemplation

I can't run, I can't hide,
I'm stuck deep inside
I'm running out of room and time
So I'll find a corner and hide

No place to go, no one to know
About where I am in my head
So I'll put a smile on my face and go through my day
'Til I can lay down in my bed

Then I can surrender to the darness around me
And no one can see my face
Or the sadness and fear that lingers here
Because I'm trapped in this place